The rest is still unwritten

Looking back on my previous entries -- I realized I was such an emo freak.
MAKES ME LAUGH OUT LOUD.

I graduate in 2 months!

If I look at one more job search engine, I may lose my mind. It's funny when you have to worry about money, especially when you really don't have any of it. Watching Sex and the City is probably the worst idea in the world for me because they make it look so easy. When you want something bad enough, you kind of almost lose yourself in a sense. Moving to and working in NYC is really all I think of anymore. Sadly, I wish it wasn't because I will never be in Millersville for this long of time again. I should be focusing on my friends and my random classes that fulfill my graduation requirements. It feels as though no one else is really worrying about this stuff. Are they? I feel like a crazy woman. Why would I want to work? I don't really, but I feel as if it is almost necessary to get to where I want to be. My boyfriend told me last night that college is not the hard road; we are just entering it. It's exhausting when you are constantly in a struggle of understanding what you want. It seems like I never know. I guess I really want to live like a teenager with an adult salary. Then again, isn't that what everyone wants?

1. What did you do in 2007 that you'd never done before?
Went to Las Vegas and Myrtle Beach, met a great guy outside the valley, stayed at school for the summer, worked at the Olive Garden, finished my major, played frisibee golf, went to a bar legally and probably other crazy stuff.
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don't really keep any, but I think this year it will just be to take my birth control pills at the same time each day haha
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
No
4. Did anyone close to you die?
No
5. What countries did you visit?
None
6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007?
I would like to save more money, get out to NYC, and make it on my own with a career and all that. Plus, if it all possible, I would like to travel out of the country this year.
7. What date from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
My 21st Birthday, my trip to Vegas, New Years Eve, Valentines Day
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Not exactly sure, it cant be going to college because that is old news.
9. What was your biggest failure?
Working at Olive Garden in general
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Yes
11. What was the best thing you bought?
My ticket to Vegas
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Brett for receiving the Morgan Stanley internship
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Not sure
14. Where did most of your money go?
Rent and heat, clothing, traveling, beer, coffee shops
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Being with Brett, my summer vacations, Christmas and New Years, My 21st birthday, Halloween, Oktoberfest
16. What song will always remind you of 2007?
Umbrella from Rhianna
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. Happier or sadder? Happier
ii. Thinner or fatter? Thinner
iii. Richer or poorer? Poorer
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Working out, saving money
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Stressing out, working away my summer
20. How will you be spending Christmas?
At my parents house in Wilkes-Barre
I wonder if somebody deleted 21.
22. Did you fall in love in 2007?
Yes I did!
23. How many one-night stands?
None
24. What was your favorite TV program?
Grey's Anatomy and Girls Next Door
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Um I don't think so?
26. What was the best book you read?
I need to read more, sorry
27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
the low life
28. What did you want and get?
Love!
29. What did you want and not get?
Money! and a cleaner apartment haha
30. What was your favorite film of this year?
Prob PS I Love You!
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I went to a bar with all my friends and boyfriend, what else?
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
I guess just the monotony of school and getting to the position in your life that you want to be at. I eventually want to get out of Lancaster and chase the dreams that I have always wanted to accomplish.
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007?
Trendy. I have millions of leggings, tights, and babydoll dresses and the empty wallet to show for it.
34. What kept you sane?
Shopping, sleeping, working out, family, friends, and boyfriend.
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Nicole Richie
36. What political issue stirred you the most?
can you name just one? Gas prices skyrocketing, the war in Iraq still going on and the torture tapes destroyed by the CIA
37. Who did you miss? Elise, Leah, my mom and dad, and my brother
38. Who was the best new person you met?
Ellen, Erika, Kristen, Lindsey, Kevin
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007:
Stop taking life to seriously and enjoy the stage you are in your life right now.
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

"If I turn into another,
dig me up from under what
is covering
the better part of me
sing this song
remind me that we'll always
have each other
when everything else is gone."

Happy Holidays. It's been a while.
Christmas was lovely. However, the only uneasy thing about it was that it wasn't as exciting as it usually is. Maybe because I'm in my 20's and can't say that I was wound up that Santa was coming or anything like that. It was nice to see my parents and eat my favorite foods. It's nice to get gifts but also not as magical knowing that you have a credit card and now that you are 21, you mostly find yourself going out and buying yourself things that you need. Haha, the thing is, I am scared to death that I am graduating in May. And when you are with family for all hours of the day, that is usually the main topic of conversation.

I have always wanted to move out on my own, have a grown up job, have my own income, cook meals with my significant other, and hell even decorate my own place. Now that this is actually creeping up on the horizon, I cant seem to grasp the concept. I have my own place now, but it is shared with 4 other girls, let alone 9 people altogether when boyfriends and "I'm kind of dating him" guys come over sharing beds and newly bought food from the store. I've grown accustomed to splitting the costs of rent and utilities with 4 people, and when that's all gone, it would be nice to know if I'll survive.

I want to move to New York City more than anything. All my close friends seem to be gravitating there. Plus, I would love to be cooped up in a tiny box apartment with my sexy little Bermudian baby. I tell him once I have my own place, I'll cook dinners for him. He doesn't believe me about that, but I promise him that I will.

I hope to enjoy 2008 to its fullest. My final course load is extremely interesting and easy and for the first time ever in my college career, I will enjoy Fridays off. It is the last semester were I will actually spend everyday with my roommates that I have shared 4 years of experiences with. Not to mention, spring semester is the best semester of the year. I am really looking forward to a lot of things in my life, and I think this year is when it will begin.

I am finally going to a new years eve party where you get dressed up and toast champagne. It doesn't hurt to have someone to kiss at midnight too! 2007 was a good year and I am extremely blessed that I have the people in my life that I do. My resolution is to take more chances and be comfortable with myself. I know that I could accomplish anything, and I hope to show the world that come May 2008.

I wish we could all be free thinkers
dreamers and believers
not take sides
think outside
the box
we're sufficated
with judgment
and belonging
following the crowd
not overstepping our bounds
but hearts will be bruised
people want to use
others
for their losses
everyone somehow gets abused.




I'm just trying to live my life without fear of being one of the crowd.
You please one, can't please them all.
I am happy for the people who stand up for me and people I could count on.
No one wants to be the nice girl.
But unfortuantely, that's all I know how to be.
And I'm okay with that.

Everyone's got to point the finger at someone at all times.

It's been some time since I've wrote, but let me tell you that life has been nothing but fabulous. This whole time I have been searching for a friend. I've realized that I've found the best friend any girl could ask for. There's been ups and downs with my best friend, but after this blissful weekend with him, I know that I wasn't meant to be with anyone else.

I have finally found everything I have ever wanted. He's my confident and my rock. I am so thankful for that.

I miss my parents and my brother.

It was fall break these past two days:
I've spent a ton of money at King of Prussia which I love
Got in some quality whirl-pool tub action
Watched a couple movies
Went to brewfest in Kennet Square with my roomies
Ate at some cute restaurants in Delaware

Work's not so bad, school's not so bad either.

Had my first house party this semester and only an air conditioner got ripped off the wall, not bad compared to other days.

I am completely obsessed with Pandora. I've needed a change in my music.

I love the new Kanye West CD and I'm kind of sad Rock of Love is over.
I almost killed someone watching the Cowboys last night, I was on an emotional rollercoaster.

I cant wait for fall weather. I got a lot of new clothes so I want to wear them.

Homecoming this weekend and Halloween is coming up.

Oh! and I found out this weekend I'm getting a car too.

I don't want to grow up,
I know I'm good at being young.

Back to school. It's exciting and annoying at the same time. I don't really have any expectations about what it's going to be like but I do know it's my last year before the real world. That too is exciting and annoying in itself.

I feel at this point in my life I'm trying to act mature and look at the bigger picture. However, I sometimes find myself acting stupid still. When I say mature, I'm not talking cold or boring -- just different and grown up.

I feel like you me & dupree right now -- haha wish I could laugh about that.

The more graduation comes closer - the life I thought I wanted - huge career, late night parties, big city, money is turning into boyfriend, marriage, 9-5, cute house. I don't know what makes me happy anymore. I take it day to day because that's all you can do.

This August, I got a lot of weird sicknesses. It'd be cool if they go away.

I'll keep in touch about this next and last year at school. I'm just hoping it turns out well - positive thinking!

Last 3 days at the Olive Garden! THANK GOD.

I am so excited to go to Myrtle Beach on Friday.
I don't even care about the 12 hour drive.

The older I become, the more excited I get about a lot of things.

Lots of things are a hot mess right now,
but all my priorities are in order.

Not going to lie, I'm happy July's over tomorrow. It's been wild.

I had such an amazing weekend!

1. Bazaar food
2. Family time
3. Wine fest
4. 4 bottles of wine to bring home
5. Fall weather
6. Frisbee golf
7. Boyfriend!
8. Relaxation

I feel like I'm completely out of the Harry Potter loop!

Life is so much better when:
You're quitting your job!
You have vacation coming up!
You have a great boy to kiss!
You got your hair done!
You have good wine to drink!
Your room is clean!
You know fall is coming up!
You get to spend more time with friends!
You have three paychecks to cash!

I heard a song today that I haven't heard in a while and it really made me feel better than I have in a long time. Honest to God.

I finally put my two weeks at my job -- fuckin' finally is right.

Life really doesn't give you many options if you look at it. I think every action has a reaction. You can't just jetset to Europe if you don't have any money to pay for the flight. No one's going to get me to where I want to be. If I'm dealing with shit now in my life, the only thing I could do is hope that all this shit will eventually pay off for the life I work so hard for.

Even if my closest friends think something I do is the wrong decision, I'm still going to do it at the end of the day because I don't trust anyone but myself and my instincts.

At 21 years old, I have nothing figured out. The one thing I do have figured out is that everytime I think I have something figured out, I later realize I was wrong about it.

I am absolutely struggling to find complete happiness at this stage in my life right now.

I am sick of some people telling me I screwed something up when I am absolutely sure it's them that's the fuck up.

If you are thinking about working in the restaurant business -- slap yourself across the face like you mean it for ever, and I MEAN EVER, thinking that. Don't do that to yourself.

Wait till you see what I come out with. Give me 5 years -- and I'll be proud to say you wish you were me at the moment. I promise you.

The only statement I could really get across to everyone right now about how I feel at this moment in my life is the well known phrase -- "Keep on keepin on."

A lot of things are changing -- changing really fast.
I think I'm the only one who knows it, but then again maybe I'm the only one who is changing. I guess that's life though, I think I'm just going to stop worrying about what is happening. There's nothing I can do to change it. I guess all people change in the end.

I'm really excited for Thursday night!
I really need to go shopping.

I feel like I'm in my own little world right now and I'm okay with that.

I never worked at a restaurant until now.
Everyone hates their lives there. Everyone.
It's really disheartening when you're trying to be perky and everyone wants to kill you because you're a happy person.
I don't want it to make me unhappy or discouraged.
This may sound stereotypical but I feel like I'm surrounded by a group of people that I have never come in contact with before. The personality of full-time restaurant workers is crazy to me. We're on completely different planets and I like the planet I'm on. Everyone's on a damn power-trip about something that can't even be measurable to life threatening. If they were working a job that is actually serious work, they would never be able to do it.

I'm kind of bummed tonight because I just worked four days in a row at a place that sucks the life out of you and the one person who makes my life worth while won't answer their phone.

My roommates aren't here either, they all went to the Phillies game, ya know to do stuff that you actually do together in the summer time.

I hate not having any money. I want more than anything to spend a semester in Rome right now, just to get away from people, places, arguments, dead end jobs, writing papers, a lack of car, bad food, and a dirty house. Actually when I look at it, I just want to start my life. I want my own place, with all my own stuff, not my other roommates boyfriend's skateboard in the living room or other people's dirty dishes in the sink. I want to be able to drive myself to the damn CVS whenever the fuck I want. I just want my own stuff and my own life on my own time whenever I say. You know?

Considering this is the only thing I have to talk to right now, I guess I'll go to sleep.

Thought I should do a little update on my life so far. I haven't written in here for a while.

Ok so now I could legally drink in a bar. I'm 21. I still can't believe it.
Finals are over and I couldn't be more happier! I am so excited to not have to do any schoolwork. My job feels like a vacation.

I start at Olive Garden tonight, as a hostess, should be interesting I guess.

I went home this weekend to hang out with my family. Brett came along too which is nice because I really wanted him to get to know my family. Everyone agrees that he fits in well, but he has the ability to do that everywhere he goes.

I love my family more than anything, but I hate being in the valley at the same time. I just felt bummed out to be home this time and I didn't know why. I wish I could take my family and we all move somewhere. I'm just happy I'm in Millersville for the summer. I don't like the fact that nothing changes ever from home and I just don't feel like I fit in anymore in that town.

I have one more year of college left. I don't know if I should be doing anything exciting right now or just be happy with my internship as it is. I think exciting opportunities will come in the future, but right now I'm comfortable living here with my roommates and my boyfriend. Lancaster gives me a kind of relief right now in my life that I can't explain. I'm happy just doing nothing and enjoying myself this summer for the time being.

Even though I still have a year left, I can't help but contemplate where I should start putting job applications out. Grad school? See what I mean..

There are a lot of exciting places I will be traveling too this summer that I can't wait for. There are just a few happenings this summer that I'm also a little leery about. We'll see how it goes.

Everything is pretty bittersweet right now.
I just want to get everything with school done, it's hanging over my head like I'm about to get sufficated with a pillow. I think things will be so much better once that last assignment is handed in.

I feel like I'm on a rollercoaster sometimes. I let pressure get the best of me. My perfectionism gets under the skin of some people sometimes. Hell, it even annoys me. I wish I knew why I get upset when something doesn't go the way I want it to. The really crazy thing is, is that if you were to ask me what I wanted, I would have no fuckin clue.

I hate that I let some people see my vulnerable side. I hate it even more that they enjoy that I let them know it. I just can't wait until they leave so they're not in my face the whole anymore.

I am extremely drained this weekend...physically, emotionally, mentally...I'm like the walking dead right now.

Sometimes I think I'm way ahead of myself in having my life the way I want it when its not the time or its in the wrong stage. Maybe that's why I get so bored with things very easily. Or I dont know, maybe it makes me an outcast. Who knows?

There's a lot of things I wish I could change, I tried though, I can't.

You're never going to be 100 percent satisfied with anything, ever. No matter how much you think you will. It doesn't happen.

Please if anything, get me through these next two weeks, then hopefully I could finally enjoy myself.

all you want to do is come up for air.

In the end, I don't care who I piss off, who doesn't like me, whatever.
People come and go.
I've had a plan from day one about what I'm going to do with my life.
So whoever wants to come with me, then come.
I know who I am, and if that's not good enough for you,
then who the fuck cares.


:-)

I have never felt so lucky in love!
I am so disgustingly happy, it's crazy. I couldn't ask for a better (boy)friend.

Elise came to Millersville this weekend! I didn't realize how much I missed her until she got here. We went shopping (again). I bought so much. It was nice to have Elise and Sarah time. Especially since I'm not coming home this summer, who knows how often I will be able to see her and Leah and everyone from home.

Phillies game on Wednesday for dollar dog day! mmmmm
Plus, I'll be home in the valley this weekend for Easter! (I haven't seen my dad since Christmas) Plus I need to punch my brother like old times.

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S APRIL! I have so many papers for school, it's sick. They're all like 10 pages!? Um...yeah.

I HATE MY AUDIO AND VISUAL CLASS -- I DON'T CARE WHAT IT TAKES TO PASS THAT CLASS. AS LONG AS IT ENDS THIS SEMESTER I. WILL. DO. ANYTHING!!!

Okay so for Europe this summer, my options are:
Ireland with Kathleen?
or
Spain, Portugal, and Germany with Elizabeth?

I need some monies but I hate working so I don't know yet.

My internship rulez but someone should pay me some more mon-ayyyyy!

Tomorrow it's Monday and that's dumb since I have Audio and Visual at 830 IN DA MORN!

I thought I don't hold grudges...turns out I do.
The opposite sex is my grudge for reasons I cannot figure out.
Blame it on my father...
Blame it on past dates...
but the truth is I have always had competition since I was young
I wanted to be better than men at everything
the second they out did me
I would get defensive
no matter how sincere the competition
so I have a hard time being told I'm wrong
even though I know I am
it certain situations
but for the man
who wants nothing but the best for me
for us...
I can tell you
I'm wrong
for you have done nothing but treat me right
and I can always right my wrongs
because we're all human
and that's all I was ever good at being

There's a lot of things my dad does that is shameful to me.
I will always love him, but I will do anything not to turn out like that.

I want a car so badly.

I don't want to cry like that for a long time.

It's spring out and its beautiful. I love this time of year.

Sometimes feeling like an old married couple is the greatest feeling in the world.

I've been spring cleaning and my room smells wonderful. I can't wait to run outside!

Watching Brett play lacrosse is the cutest thing ever.

"You are the greatest thing to ever happen to me, you hear me?"